Joys and Trials… of my lady parts

Well, can you tell that I got a new job in October?

Things have been rather busy since then! But it is great to reflect back upon what has happened, where I’ve been and how things are progressing.

My first post-op pap 3 months out revealed high grade dysplasia had resurfaced. I was devastated to say the least. I had another colposcopy which caused my first IUI to be cancelled.

I went in, ready to hear I would need to have a cone biopsy or more invasive procedure. After having watched Hannah and her Sisters (right around Thanksgiving) I felt so connected to Woody Allen who was 100% confident loss of hearing was caused by a brain tumor.

Health Anxiety and Woody Allen

Well, count my blessings I did when the results came back as type 1–which requires no action. What a miracle! I felt like skipping through the streets! I was free as a bird. It was the best possible Christmas present, a clean bill of health.

We were good to begin our first IUI. I was super excited. I took the medication, pills, supplements, went in for blood work what felt like every other day (and I have BAD veins) and had the IUI on Christmas eve.

What an amazing but cruel  process for a hopeful mom. All the supplements and medications and suppositories you take all mimic the symptoms of pregnancy. Even the trigger shot you get to ovulate contains HCG, which will indicate a false positive pregnancy test.

I knew a few days ago that it did not work, I felt it, I tested it, I knew it. I hit rock bottom inside my own heart. I could only tell a few people, S being one of them. Have I mentioned he is the most supportive, graceful and patient man I could wish for a husband?

Well, yesterday I went in for blood work and it was confirmed. Negative. I am not sure what our next steps will be. But I can read the writing on the wall. We have begun discussing adoption and my hope is rekindling again.



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