discouragement and hope

It can be so discouraging to try and get everything right in one month; timing, opks, everything…and still not have it be your month.

I am 12dpo and still getting bfns. I know I am out this month. It is probably a good thing because next Friday I will have my light LEEP (I’ll call it that to make myself feel better about things.) If it turned out I was pregnant this cycle there would be a chance this CIN 3 pre cancer could turn into cancer cancer during the pregnancy, so that would obviously not be good.

In other news, after visiting the oncologist and seeing women getting treatment and speaking with my sister in law about a haircut, I donated 11″ of my hair to locks for love. I feel great about it and hope someone else likes it too. I also spoke with a friend last night who adopted an amazing child from South Africa, she is an amazing person in general but also gave me great insight into the adoption process and said she would help me no matter what. She also said that the pain I am going through now, not pain pain but ya know, struggle (cause it’s real) is there for a reason, to help make me a better parent in the long run.

I think that must be true. I am going to make it be true. Off to the gym to sweat it off and then to my pre surgical appointment.

xo

M

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